Crafting and the Boyfriend: some cautionary tales. Part 2: "Garments"

Many, Many times I have felt the lure of some incredibly well designed, practical, comfortable, fun-to-knit menswear pattern. I see those tweedy scarves, warm thrummed mittens, fun hats, not to mention sweaters (and no, calling them "jackets" does not fool the curse). I feel my fingers itch to cast on and knit Darling Boyfriend a whole wardrobe. But I know it would all be in vain, for unless I want to knit at uber-micro-gauge stockinette in black and silk screen Led Zeppelin logos onto it and present the most labor intensive rock t-shirt in history to him, he probably won't wear it much. That being said, if we were ever to get to the point wear the curse was not an issue I would surely produce a sweater of epic proportions. It would have cables and bobbles and technicolor fair isle hearts all over it and a giant turtle neck and once it was all knit up and go to pick up the band at the bottom and get a little carried away and knit all the way down till it was a full body jumper, complete with little footies and intarsia elephants on the butt. I would have him try it on before I stitch up the final seam and then pin the poor guy down and stitch the whole thing up so firmly there would be no taking it off. "Oops, forgot the buttons. darn." There would be no rhyme or reason for this knitting catastrophe beyond the fact that I have held the line against my urges for so long.
In the mean time I have knit a few items for DB.
My first major knitting undertaking, just after my first and last quickly abandoned garter stitch scarf, was this cabled lap quilt. I made it during my first semester of college. At this point I was such a new knitter that I knew nothing of what yarn was good yarn for a project. I took the bus to the nearest JoAnn's Craft Store and bought what seemed like a sufficient amount of LionBrand Homespun to make an afghan. I picked out manly shades of blue, green, and brown and cast on with the yarn double stranded on size 13 needles in September. I knitted it in blocks so I could carry it with me everywhere (and I did knit everywhere). I knitted constantly, right up till Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day I was sewing the final squares together. It was much smaller than I had predicted based on the weight of the thing (which was substantial). I wrapped it up in a big box with a huge bow on top and presented it to DB very late in the day on Christmas. He accepted it with amazement and love. It was a very proud moment for me. Today the quilt sits, perfectly folded on the back of his couch. It is always perfectly folded in the exact same place on the back of the couch. While I know DB is a very tidy person, I have come to believe that he does not ever really use said quilt. I understand as it is much too small and much too heavy to be much good. I take it off the couch every once in a while for the dog* to snuggle with, which also makes me very happy.

By the next Christmas I had knit a few sweaters of varying degrees of success. I was getting better with garments and yarn selection, and all those fiddly details like gauge and fiber content. I knit Socks for DB. I chose a cotton/nylon/elastic yarn that would be soft, stretchy, strong, and cool (DB is perpetually warm, it defies logic). I used a very basic pattern in a solid color to suit his tastes. They knit up rather quickly as socks are wont to do. They fit! They looked good! I was once again, very proud of my handiwork. I was expecting the moment of revelation that I always hear about when a person recieves their first pair of hand knit socks. You know, when they declare that they will never again lay foot in a machine knit sock and thereby kidknap the knitter and stow her away in a tower to knit them socks until the end of time. Well, the socks were once again accepted with love and gratitude, but I still almost always find white adidas tube socks on DB. The hand knits are cherished and saved for special occasions.

*With regard to the aforementioned dog, Tink, she is also the unwitting recipient of my knitting. One day, I believe a year or so ago, I was looking for a quick oddball project and I was sick of hats. I pondered if the curse of the love sweater applied to my boyfriend's dog. I decided not, so I cast on to knit pennyfrom Knitty.com for Tink. It knit up rapidly and when next I was home I put it on her. It went on fairly easily the first time. I set her down on the floor and went to get the leash to take her out for a walk to show off her new duds. Tink stood there, stock still, and stared at me. She did not scratch at it, she did not bark or growl. She also didn't run around or wag her tail when I got the leash or follow me around. She just stood there. After a little while of the statue impression I caved and took it off her. Since then it has been much more difficult to get the sweater on her. So it sits in a closet somewhere. Better a dog sweater sitting unworn than a boyfriend sized sweater. I could not get a photo of Tink in the sweater, but this is the face she makes at me when it is mentioned.